We all have a contentious history with anger. It is something we realize is inevitable, but it also arises when we are most unprepared for it. Sometimes, we are overwhelmed by it because it signals warning. With our amygdala raging, we circumvent any higher order, logical thought that the prefrontal cortex is begging us to engage. Our emotional experience of anger overtakes our perceptions. It can happen to us as mediators, to those in conflict, and to anyone engaged in the human experience.

The Buddha indicated that greed, delusion, and anger are the three negative cognitive qualities. Even the Buddha doesn’t describe anger as a positive trait. We know that anger may happen because we are emotionally wounded, or we are caught off guard and feel threatened. Whatever its origin, once we are angry, we lose the ability to see clearly because we are stuck in a cycle of blame and hurt.

For most of us, we work out of our rendezvous with anger because someone listens to us and we feel heard. Sometimes, we develop insight on our own and begin to think rationally about what has happened. Maybe we grow weary of the emotions elicited by anger, and it fades away. Regardless, we move on, but we are more vigilant thinking it might return.

If we were to see anger differently in mediation and in our lives, we wonder if it would be less threatening to us and to other people. What if we held our anger, like a precious newborn child, with wonder and respect. If we were to see through anger to its emotional components a gift of deeper insight and compassion, would it be something we feared? Can anger teach us something if we are more careful with its gifts? In mediation, could we see it as the answer to the conflict instead of anger being something to avoid? We wonder if we could change our history with anger. While we realize the potential danger in it, we might see that anger also holds deeper understanding.