Conceptualizing the approach we have to mediation evolves only after we as mediators gain experience mediating. We watch what we have done and what worked for us, then we reflect on how we see mediation. It is often much later that we begin to theorize on how we fully understand the process of helping others in their journey through conflict.
While there are many individuals who have theorized about this process, Buddhists also have a model that may provide useful. Traditionally, Buddhists speak of three levels of understanding. Beginning with listening and studying, we can gain knowledge. We then can gain more wisdom through reflection on this knowledge. Finally, through meditative experiences, we can gain a direct spiritual experience and develop even more understanding of the truth. This highest level contains an emotional experience.
Recently, we heard another description of four levels of understanding that seemed to also be influenced by Buddhist teaching. This approach seemed to fit with the kind of understanding developed by those doing mediation. These stages also seemed to describe what those in conflict also experience.
First is an understanding of the “Spoken word”. To apply this to mediation, that is when each of us, mediator and participants, hear the words, the story of the conflict. We hear their positions. It requires listening to gain the details and recount the injury either emotional or material that has happened.
The second stage of understanding was described as developing “Meaning” from understanding the ideas, the “rest of the story” behind the conflict. It is when the mediator begins to more fully grasp the gravity of the injuries that have occurred between the parties. It is when the mediator also develops an understanding of the work that has to be done. Those in conflict likewise begin to recognize the interests of the other party.
The next level of understanding was said to involve an “Experience of the Meaning.” The mediator now hears what each side needs from the other to get through the conflict. Mediators often also would recognize and and understood the experience of pain and loss that happened to mire these two sides in a conflict. The parties with this deeper awareness, begin to see how they might experience compassion for the other side. They now understand that both sides have been injured and even for a moment, may realize the futility of this dance because they realize everyone has been hurt.
The final stage of understanding was Reflection. In mediation, this is when the mediator and the parties appreciate the larger picture. The solution may not be clear, but with insight and deeper consideration, those involved in this journey realize there can be movement away from the intensity of struggle. With awareness comes an understanding that positions, interests, and needs fold into a seeking for a resolution. Sometimes, this is when healing the relationship occurs. Other times, it is the sigh around the table that the conflict is over. People sometimes gain insight into what they might do differently and recognition of their values. Mediators feel the process of mediation wind to a close and they can reassess their own process as well as learn from this experience in the context of many others.
Knowing the levels of understanding provides another tool, another perspective by which we can understanding conflict and growth. It also can also provide a map for the underlying process we go through when we lose our way on the journey.