Clarity

Mediation by its nature is a journey of seeking clarity. For the parties, it is important that each side begin to understand what the other side has experienced and needs. However, these elements are essential for the mediators as well. 

The mediators need awareness and clarity about themselves. For most mediators, it begins by clearing and cleansing ourselves to be open to be with this new conflict. It means letting go of previous mediations, it means releasing any unfinished business that still needs to be done at work or home. A positive, negative, or neutral stance may negatively impact the mediation. If violence has been a part of the part of the relationship that is being mediated, a totally neutral stance will not take into account the trauma and will unfairly benefit that abuser. Sometimes getting clarity takes minutes, other times it takes days or longer.

Clarity is also about boundaries. It means being aware of our mission in mediation. Not only do we respect the professional boundaries in the mediation relationship, but we also respect the parties to self-determine the outcome. We know that if we want to provide what people are seeking, we will be present to help empower the parties to resolve their issues. That respects their ability to determine the outcome. It means we as mediators don’t make suggestions, provide solutions, or add our interpretation to their conflict. We help facilitate their discussion but any decision they reach will be more likely to be satisfying and successful if they developed it themselves.

Carl Jung indicated that our awareness was based on making the ‘unconscious conscious.’ We can do this in mediation through self-understanding as well as a spirit of respect, curiosity (not judgement), compassion, and kindness.  Clarity is necessary for us but also for people in conflict. It allows us to help others find peace.