Recently, I read a piece by Dr. Rick Hanson. In it, he describes a term “turangawaewae,” a term in Maori that means “a place to stand.” It was clear from the passage that “we all need a place to stand.” “Turangawaewae,” is an important concept, and has deeper meaning and implications for those of us in mediation and peacemaking.
When approaching a conflict, most of us are looking for our “footing,” trying to find our standing in a situation. Conflict itself can be described as a period of destabilization. We are shaken from what we had planned and now have to reestablish ourselves, finding new ground. Of course, in conflict there is always enough blame to go around. Both sides can blame the other for taking them off the course they had planned, for injuring them and destabilizing them from their “comfortable” position. Those of us trying to help people navigate this terrain, realize that whenever people lose their footholds, they can make changes that may have taken them to a better place than they had been or planned. However, that is seldom the perception of those embroiled in conflict. It is only through careful, reflective listening and communication that the conflicting parties begin to learn there may be something gained by establishing a new position, if the mediator can help them see it.
Is that how we as mediators view conflict between others and in the conflicts we encounter in our own lives? Do we see the potential for common ground that may have benefits we didn’t have in our previous positions? It is our perspective of our own challenges that will impact how we facilitate or diminish the possibility to find the potential embedded in every conflict. When we realize that our own perspective shapes what we envision, we can provide opportunities for finding new ground for others.
Aren’t we, as peacemakers looking to find our footing, a place to stand, that might even be a place of safety, a place of commonality, a “turangawaewae”? When we realize we all seeking to find a place to come together, we can better help those in conflict on their journey.