Research studies seem to indicate that when people have a spirit of gratitude, they report being happier (Taylor, 2014), healthier (Chida & Steptoe, 2008), and living longer (Carr, 2011). It would make sense that being grateful would be something to which we all aspire. Does every pain we experience have at least some lesson for us? Is our only choice to spiral into perpetual anger and retribution? As mediators, are we grateful for the issues brought forth in mediation and for the opportunities inherent in looking at these conflicts in others and in our own lives?
Given some of the pains we have all experienced in our lives and especially this past year, this is difficult to even consider. Still, in looking at past injuries in my life, when I could heal enough to have perspective, there was generally something to be learned from the conflicts. There was some degree of peace when I was able to release some of the hurt and also recognize what I learned from the pain. While I didn’t want to forget the pain, it was important not to be controlled by it. Once I realized there was a lesson in the process, I could learn and become more compassionate for what others experience.
Mediators at some point may begin seeing each new mediation as “just another conflict” if not, another paying client. That is reality and for many, an honest appraisal of the nature of work. However, might the research on gratitude help us to see that we as mediators can also learn about ourselves as well as help others when we see them get enmeshed in conflicts? As issues and anger have unfolded in mediations, I have gained insight into how I have enfolded my own life in anger or hurt from conflicts. Even though it was first uncomfortable, I became grateful for helping the parties (and ultimately myself) work through the issues that kept them bound together in a process that served no one.
We learn from each other, whether we are mediators, peacemakers, or humans trying to make sense of this sometimes crazy world. Despite the pain and inevitable conflicts, we can find value in the lessons we have learned. However, this only happens if we allow for a mindset of gratitude.