One of the joys of working with the International Academy of Dispute Resolution (INADR) is attending mediation tournaments sponsored by that group. In the ballot forms we use to evaluate the efforts of the participants there is some great language that helps us in that task. My favorite criteria includes this prompt: “Did the mediators remain patient, positive, persistent, and professional at all times?” That alliterative phrase truly captures the attitude with which mediators should be working. Patient and positive are rather well understood, but persistence in mediation is not as obvious. How does a mediator act with persistence?
Mediators are persistent when they continue despite difficult or oppositional behavior by the parties in the conflict. The question is when does persistence cross the line to become too directive? Current research indicates that when mediators are too directive, such behavior is seen as a negative trait according to participants in mediations who were surveyed about mediator traits. A mediator who is too directive may actually be edging into evaluative mediation, not a preferred style of mediation according to recent research on mediator behavior. Participants in mediation were surveyed and most of them preferred a transformative approach by the mediators at the table. Whatever your style, a certain amount of persistence is needed to be successful. When mediating, you cannot just terminate the mediation when you encounter oppositional behavior or inflammatory statements by one or more of the parties at the table. If the parties had been able to successfully communicate with each other in the past, they would not need your services as a mediator.
Perhaps the other words in the alliterative phrase provide the balance needed for mediators to know where the boundaries are on persistence. A patient mediator is not directive and may use many tools, such as silence, to allow the parties in dispute to have the space to voice their concerns and come up with ideas to settle the disagreement and promote healing. A positive mediator remains positive about the healing potential of mediation and does not become directive or give up too easily when the parties are at the table. A mediator can be positive about the potential of mediation, but not get caught up in a personal need to settle the case. And of course, the final “p,” professionalism, captures the spirit that should temper any desire to either give up too easily or be too directive. Professionalism also allows us to handle difficult or unexpected situations with compassion because we know the value of the mediation process for the parties. As you continue to do the work that is needed as a mediator, use persistence, but also use the accompanying traits of patience, positivity and professionalism to be your guides.