How do we enter the mediation space? Do we grab the file(s), a legal pad, a notebook and rush into the room? Do we make certain we look at any notes that might be available for the mediation? The mediation starts when we first see the people involved in the conflict. That is their first impression of us and of what they experience as the mediator and mediation. With most of our focus on the conflict, what needs to be resolved, the numbers or dollars involved, many times we don’t consider that the mediation has already started, and we may have lost the opportunity we have as a mediator to resolve the conflict.
With many mediators never bringing the parties together, this joint meeting may never happen. However, when the parties come together, we need to remember the importance in the process. As a psychologist, before each session I would take a few minutes, breathe, let go of whatever I was doing and get ready to meet the next client. I would set aside my notebook or legal pad because I needed to be ready to listen. When I was writing notes, it took away from listening. It also made the client wonder what I was writing. I do the same when mediating. I stay focused on being present, ready, and open to learn.
Many writers have discussed creating a space for this time of preparation as a “liminal space.” It is a place “Where we are betwixt and between the familiar and the completely unknown.” (Rohr, 2020). It is a place where transitions happen. Some people feel, this space allows us to be open to transformation or change. Moving from one mediation or workspace to another mediation, benefits from a pause, a chance to gather and be ready for what is going to happen next. We can prepare and set our minds on how we can bring our full attention to the conflict that has caused people pain and struggle. It allows us to be our best selves.
Without that opportunity, we never clear our minds from the business we just finished. We have the potential to go on “autopilot” and become a dispassionate technician rather than an engaged, involved mediator. Artificial intelligence could easily replace this objectified and distanced approach. We have a choice and what we choose can make a difference in the outcome of the mediation as well as our success as a mediator. Thinking we don’t have the time is a rationalization for not making the time.
Being a mediator is an opportunity that goes beyond helping them navigate the conflict presented in mediation. It begins a process for those in the mediation to learn from the process of conflict resolution. By listening and seeking to understand, they learn to work through conflicts themselves in other venues. Mediation can itself help people to see others and conflict differently. For something so important, we need to be ready and bring our best selves.