The Hebrew word “Hineni” (הנני) is a simple and yet biblically powerful and complex term. At its core, it communicates, “Here I am.” It expresses a “physical, mental, and emotional presence” and willingness to serve.” With only six letters, it relays a desire to listen, to be available, and to help. When we as mediators offer ourselves to intercede in conflict situations, we are communicating our willingness to be present in this space of vulnerability.
If we take mediation seriously, we are opening ourselves to do more than just hear the conflict, but to enter the conflicted space with the parties. It is our pronouncement that we realize the value of being present with another person. If done well, the mediation space exposes the pain and hurt that came from the conflict and can bring up similar issues for whoever joins them to help them through it.
Not everyone approaches mediation in these terms. For some mediators, the process is prescriptive, and the underlying emotions of the conflict are intentionally ignored or reframed without process. The goal is to get a resolution and ultimately, get paid. There is no pretense to allow vulnerability to enter the room and if it does, it is quickly diminished or individuals are taken into a caucus to separate the feelings from the process.
After mediating for over twenty years, I have seen all varieties of mediators and talked with people who have experienced the process as a business arrangement (either being directed or manipulated) or as a transformative event. As a mediator, you will need to decide where you are on the continuum. Your work or culture may make you feel pressured to move people through the mediations to maximize profits. You may feel it is more difficult to be present than to be distant. Ultimately, you will decide what kind of person you would like to be with you when you are in a challenging conflict and may choose to be that sort of person for others.
Despite the hazards, being present and helping individuals find a way through conflict has intrinsic value as well as being more valuable to the people in the conflict. A comprehensive study done by the University of Maryland validates the importance of listening not directing and seeking to understand instead of telling them what will work best. If given a choice, the value of “Hineni” can create long-lasting healing and change. It takes courage and openness to say, “I am here and am willing to help” and then be present for the journey. However, it can be worth the risk.