A Japanese word meaning that a person cannot “read the air,” Kuuki Yomenai” or “KY” for short, means that the person cannot tell what is happening in a social situation. Have we all been in that position? We think we can tell the context of a given gathering and we do not pick up on the subtle clues that are critical to navigating the meeting. It happens when we walk into a room where an event occurred and instead of taking time to “read” the air, we walk in with no sensitivity and no awareness, no “KY.” It happens at work, at home, and even in mediations.
We all know the importance of being sensitive, aware, and mindful in social situations. However, it is easy to miss important clues when we are distracted, self-focused, or on “autopilot.” When this happens at work, the stakes can be high. As a mediator, when you do not pick up the mood and emotions in a room, you are working blindfolded. Backing the process up and acknowledging your omission can provide you another opportunity to respond to the dynamics. However, we all have seen people who won’t admit their error in judgment, their vulnerability, and will continue the path they have set for the meeting regardless of its consequences.
Not being aware of the parties’ emotions, not being sensitive and willing to discuss the diversity that is present, and continuing to push people into caucuses when they ask to “meet together,” can all make the mediator seem that they are “out of touch” and “can’t read the air.” Most times, the parties in the mediation are polite and possibly only out of their silence can the mediator intuit that something is missing. Other times, parties will leave or end the mediation. The mediator may even attribute their leaving to the fact that “they just weren’t ready to mediate” instead of recognizing their own “KY.”
As mediators, we need to be aware that we need to center ourselves and take a few minutes to breathe before we engage in mediation. We need to stay centered throughout the mediation so that we are present and aware during the session. This is true if we have been mediating for six months or six years. Regardless of the familiarity with the process, all of us need to remember the importance of responding to the social environment in mediation and the impact that “KY” can have on mediation and on us as mediators. If we do, we may learn that it was a lack of “KY” that caused the conflict in the first place!