When we write this post, we realize that there are friends and followers who are wondering how to navigate the coronavirus, how to handle the financial burdens that have come from the aftermath of business closures, and how to deal with the continuing issues of race and injustices of all forms that have plagued states, countries, and the world for many years. This situation impacts all of us as mediators. Although most mediation has migrated online, these present societal and personal issues layer onto the myriad of conflicts that have been simmering.
We cannot ignore the current context if we are fully present. It is like ignoring racial, religious, gender, sexual orientation, politics, nationality, or other differences when they are staring at us across the table. I saw someone verbally attacked at a conference by a mediator who claimed he would never bring in a co-mediator just to ensure that both the parties felt heard and represented. He said that he could understand everyone’s issues. It is easy to struggle to understand another’s perspective. It can and will happen to each of us.
At times like these, we need to listen even deeper, respect differences, and let go of any belief that anyone of us has all the answers for everyone. We need to know that the legal or other battles that have brought people or groups into mediation are also layered with other stressors. Rather than assuming what those issues might be, it is important to ask and then listen. “How are you handling all that is going on right now?” is a good place to start. Diverse perspectives can add layers to a mediation that make it more difficult to address. Honoring the viewpoints of each side is the only way to bring people together, especially during stressful times.
The power of compassion, understanding, respect, and humility serve successful mediators well. What is important to realize is that all of us have additional challenges upon us, now more than ever. We too need to find ways, outside of the mediation space, to address our own issues so that they do not become part of the problem. In my life, I’ve noticed that when working through my own pain, I become more sensitive to how it might be for other people. Even painful losses have helped me to become more aware of what loss and hurt might be like for other people. While we don’t ever know what others experience, we can be more sensitive to respecting the struggle of our common journey.
While none of us want the stressors that are upon us at this time, we can learn from what we are experiencing, if we are only open to the lessons.