This past weekend, I heard a religious service focused on “Shenpa.” “Shenpa” is the urge, the hook, the emotional stressor that triggers our tendency to close down or get upset. Other authors describe how it is the unwillingness we have to let go of thoughts that cause suffering. It wasn’t a term I recognized, but unfortunately, I have known “Shenpa,” and can usually recognize it in others during mediations.
All of us have “hot buttons,” issues that when other people land on them, it can send us into a tailspin. Sometimes it is just mentioning the name of a particular person who we perceive has injured us. Other times, it is something that pulls up an old wound. It might even be self-generated. We begin thinking about an event and think we were mistreated or disrespected. Our mind takes off. Sometime it is hours later after the emotional contagion has passed, we wonder how we let ourselves get derailed.
It happens in mediation all of the time. When issues surround an emotional, relational, and/or financial loss, people can get so wrapped up in painful thoughts, they have difficulty staying present in a session, no less help negotiate a settlement. The mediator often has difficulty keeping people fully present. Both sides get caught up in their own pain around the conflict. It takes a skilled mediator to help individuals identify the triggers so they can come together and resolve differences. It requires even more patience to help them rebuild the relationship.
However, the world we live in today is full of such traps and triggers. We swim in a sea of “Shenpa.” Maslow’s hierarchy reflected that after having met the physiological needs of food, water, warmth, and rest, we needed to feel safe and secure. Without being safe, people could not move on to meet the needs of belonging, self-esteem, and self-actualization. However, today not everyone has the physiological necessities and the elusive threat by COVID-19 leaves most of us unsure about our safety. Without the most basic needs being met, we are easily caught up in an array of thoughts that can mire us in suffering.
Mindfulness can help us through this morass. By focusing on our breath, we can settle ourselves enough to detangle from the thoughts that bind us. By settling our minds to focus on the next small steps we can take, we can avoid the tsunami of fears that can trap us. Just as a good mediator helps those in conflict to refocus their attention on the here and now, we can take our minds to the quiet that allows us to realize we are more than this situation. We have the tools we need to help ourselves and others, not just now, but in the days ahead.
We are each more than this virus-defined culture. We can allow our minds to accept “Shenpa’s” compelling invitation to panic, but we have other choices. Even when we take that “hook,” we can retreat, re-collect our thoughts, and move forward.
Humans are an amazing species. We have the capacities to learn, to grow, and to be compassionate. We will find our way through this time and when we do, we can be more mindful and maybe even less prone to conflict. We will need to seize the opportunity to address the attachment we can have to disturbing thoughts. We will need to make peace with the “Shenpas” in our lives.